One Mom's Journey

Rewind to 2010, when my daughter was born.  First time mom, lack of sleep, a baby that constantly suckled on my breasts, lack of sleep and did I mention lack of sleep?  My husband and I did it.  We committed the ultimate sin (according to some).  We gave our baby a pacifier...and guess what.  We slept.  It was wonderful, it was glorious!  I had no regrets - until she turned two.  It was crazy.

This is where I began to refer to her soother habit as an addiction. Because it was just that.  This is also when I started noticing the shifting of the teeth, so I asked around and researched and sure enough, it was recommended to try and wean a toddler of a pacifier no later than two because of the damage it can cause to the upper mouth and teeth alignment.  But, I had another new born, and it was soooooooo easy to just plug that soother in my two year olds mouth as the solution to EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM.  I am not sure looking back if the addiction was hers or mine...because that pacifier was my savior.

Yes, I did some research on soothers, but at the end of the day, sleep outweighed the potential negatives 100 per cent.  I thought you may find it useful to see some of the research I came across along the way.It may help you come to terms with the pacifier/soother vortex you have just entered and/or support your reasons for never giving a soother in the first place.

Positives:

The oxford Dictionary word of the year for 2013 "selfie" 

I really dislike selfies.  There, I said it.   Why, you ask?  Because I feel like they are self-fulfilling, self-esteem needing, self-involved photos.  I get it, once in awhile is not a bad thing.  Sure, you want to show off how darn good you look dressed up to go to a wedding - why not?  You rarely do it.  BUT YOU!  The one who posts a new selfie, kissy face, peace sign every hour on the hour - seriously...why?  I think I may start un-friending obsessive selfie takers.

Oh and you - ya you!  You know who you are - the friend who constantly comments on the obsessive selfie taker telling them how great they look and how pretty they are - do you know what you are doing?  You are encouraging them to post over and over and over again!  You are just as bad as they are.

To brief you, I traveled from Toronto to Cancun - 3.5 hours with a husband, teenage boy and 3 and 1 year old girls. We booked a Sunquest vacation and flew on West Jet. We stayed at the Gran Bahia Principe - Coba resort in Riviera Maya. This will be a very detailed review of all aspects of the vacation.

Booking with Sunquest:

We are 5 in our family - one of whom still sleeps in a crib. Sunquest would not let us stay in one room only, because the capacity was 4 people. Therefore we were charged for two rooms at dual adult occupancy. Started my vacation off on the wrong foot. Sunquest would not make it work, even though 1 of our children was still in a crib. What did that mean? Our vacation that was originally going to cost us for 2 adults, 1 teen, 1 child and 1 baby(free) now cost us 4 adults + 1 baby(free). Crazy, we are talking a HUGE difference here!

Next - our toddlers/baby suitcase was left behind in Toronto. We were left without any children's clothing and baby necessities for 40 hours. You could only imagine the horrible situation that put us in.We were allocate $200 to spend on necessities, we have yet to see how quickly we receive our reimbursement. Also while on the resort, the Sunquest rep was extremely difficult to locate in guest services, and was rarely there during his 'so called' hours.

West Jet

I took a break from everything for 9 days - in Mexico. I took a break from emailing, cell phones, cars, Facebook, Twitter, blogging - everything. And you know what, I was so proud of myself. I was even more proud of myself while I played in the pool with my husband, teenage son, three year and one year old daughters without even thinking about looking at my smartphone.

I actually had an epiphany while looking around at all the young 20 something year old couples glued to their screens while sunbathing, and again while watching the speechless conversations of the 50 something year old couples who zoned out on their screens during a romantic dinner. PEOPLE ARE PATHETIC! They are addicted. Life is happening right in front of their eyes. Why do they have to be online while this real, tropical, haven is right in front of them?

This is a touchy subject, and probably raises a lot of controversy, but I don't care. I am calling it. People are addicted to their connected life.

Hey you - with the boyfriend - burning under the crazy hot sun - while playing angry birds or something...open your eyes and talk with your man - maybe you will realise that you don't actually love him!

Hey you - Dad - with the laptop - your kids are

We are seeing more and more women run small businesses.  Why?  I am sure there are many factors that can contribute to this, but some of the biggest factors are women are trying to find a way to balance and juggle and multi-task the whole "mom" gig.

Image courtesy of www.thegospelcoalition.org

It goes something like this:  Get pregnant.  Baby is born.  Fall in love with baby.  Realise you have to go back to work.  Realise the cost of daycare.  Realise that you would rather stay at home.  Realise that household overhead does not allow for this. Figure out a way to make money and raise kids.

Here are some brilliant things moms are doing to stay at home and make money.

1. Run a home daycare.  Depending on your area you can earn between $30-$50 per day per child, and you can take care of your own kids at the same time.
2. Walk a dog Dog walkers believe it or not earn between $15-30 dollars an hour for simply walking a dog.  Walk two to three dogs a day with baby in stroller and you are getting exercise while earning extra money.  Taking in a dog while someone is on vacation can earn you between $30 and $50 dollars a day
3. Direct Marketing  Love to host parties, or socialize and have a great network?  Direct marketing is huge right now. Consider reading more on this with the Flip Flop CEO book.  Great read and really dumbs down the industry on how you can make money while raising a family. 
4. Artsy and Computer Savvy? Consider being a graphic designer. Be a Wix.com pro, or sell photography to iStock.com or shutterstock.com and earn a few extra dollars.  You can even contract your graphic design services via logo submittal online sites and earn loads of extra cash.  You can do this during nap time, or even after kids go to bed.

My toddler had never been exposed to cable television.  We streamed everything via our Boxee Box. Recently, my husband decided he wanted cable so that he could watch sports live.  In comes traditional television for the first time in 4 years.  I had no idea what I was going to experience.

My three year old was watching something on Teletoon (or something like that) and up pops a commercial. Harmless enough; toys, branding, the usual, but this was the first time she had been exposed to this - and what happened next was shocking.  For the first time ever, she started asking for everything she saw on commercials.  Mommy, I want one of those, I want that too.  Can I get that for Christmas?  Can you buy me that?  Everything she saw, whether it was a toy or an item of clothing - she wanted it.

In come self-esteem.  Little did I know that I was doing my daughter a favour by not having traditional commercials polluting her mind.  She had never compared herself to others, she had never disliked her clothing, until now.  I will never forget watching her watch a commercial with a bunch of teenage girls, with their long straight hair, cell phones and high boots walking down the street looking so cool and "typical" television perfection.  She has short and super curly gorgeous hair - now she wanted long and straight hair like them.  Poor thing...what have I done?  What has society done?

I have two children in daycare.  My monthly expenses for daycare are higher than my mortgage payment.  It is absurd.  I pay for quality daycare, and I think my children are benefiting from it...but am I?

I have done the math. After all my personal expenses plus my daycare costs, I personally bring in negative each and every month.  Yes, I contribute to the households expenses, but at what expense?  At the expense of someone else raising my child?  At the expense of only seeing my children for a total of 3 hours each day Monday to Friday?  At the expense of quality time that I will never get back.  What if I was a single mom, balancing a mortgage, car payment, child care, gas, groceries etc.  Would I still be able to afford daycare? Probably not.

Although Ontario offers subsidies for families to benefit from daycare and go back to work, it is very difficult to get approved.  It is a lengthy process of paper work and believe it or not - interviews!  An interesting PDF, although dated, shows great information about subsidy allocation for Canadian residents based on provinces http://www.childcarequality.ca/wdocs/QbD_FeeSubsidies_Canada.pdf .

Ontario's average licensed daycare costs per child are $918, the highest in the country followed by BC at $885. The lowest costs, supplemented entirely by the QC government and tax dollars at $7 per day...for a whopping $140 per month. Wouldn't that be nice. Source:http://bit.ly/1aT41Ks

Every morning during the week starts off the same.  I get up before the kiddies, hop in the shower: 7 minutes. Brush teeth, apply face creams: 5 minutes.  Throw hair in wet pony-bun: 30 seconds. Choose work clothes and get dressed: 5 minutes.  Wake up children, make breakfast, clean disaster, maybe sit down with kids: 15 minutes.  Make lunch, apply make-up: 5 minutes.  Give multiple hugs and kisses to children and husband, then run out the door, coffee in hand - feeling guilty and questioning my decision to go to work over raising
my little ones.

This is my struggle, every single Monday to Friday.  I know I am not alone.

I arrive at work - before about 80% of the staff at the office so that I can leave before the traffic hits and go see my babies.

This is my life, every Monday to Friday.

I sit in my cubicle, working hard for my pay check, just like every other person in the office.  I am thankful for a job that helps me pay my millions of bills - but not a second goes by where I don't wonder how my children are fairing under another caregivers supervision.

This is my struggle, every single Monday to Friday.  I know I am not alone, but I am thankful to have money to pay the bills that buy the groceries and cloth my children.

At the end of the day, I get in my car, hop on the toll highway, so I can get to my children faster and avoid traffic.  When I arrive at the daycare, I am greeted with so much joy, that tears are falling from their eyes...and

Before children, my husband and I would be a lot more adventuresome with vacations. Hotel and country hopping in Europe would not be as easy or as smooth with little kids.  We have had to reconsider our styles of vacations.  Everything is more complicated.  Here are some excellent steps to take when researching a vacation with children to help remove some of that complication.

1. Decide whether or not you will get shots: this will give you a timeline for scheduling your dates since some shots have to be administered several weeks before leaving.  We are searching vaccinations specific to Mexico to make sure we are covered.
2. Make sure all passports are up to date.  Babies need passports too.
3. Check validation of travel insurance.  Make sure any new additions to the family are included on this travel insurance.
4. Decide on what style of vacation: All inclusive, a la carte, condo/house rental, tropical or exploration. I always check up on my resorts and highly recommend it.  
5. Talk with friends and family.  Referrals are always a good starting point for choosing the right destination.

For those of you who don't know the expression: the "Man" is the boss.  So if you work for the "Man" then you are employed, if you are the "Man" then you are self-employed.  I have been both and want to share my list of pros and cons for these two categories.

Working for the "Man"

When I finished my first degree in Marketing, I worked for a huge Marketing company that was all about rearing new grads into super fueled Marketing workaholic machines.  They did not have that affect on me - in fact, they were the company that paved the path to self-employment.  So let's start with the pros and cons of working for the "Man".

Pros

Cons

·         Steady pay check ·         Fixed hours (usually) ·         Paid Vacation ·         Company culture ·         Parties ·         Monthly cake in some cases (for birthdays) ·         Bonuses (in some cases) ·         Pay raises ·         Promotions ·         Praise ·         Car allowances and gas cards (in some cases) ·         Salary + commission (in some cases)

·         Steady pay cheque (no fluctuation in cash flow can be a con) ·         Unpaid hours (even though it is against the law) ·         Set number of vacation days ·         Company politics (you typically don't win if you are not a senior employee) ·         Cleakie and groupie (kind of like high school) ·         Not secure (unless government job) ·         Commute to work (if it is long) ·         Expected to work overtime ·         Most raises are based on inflation rate ·         Hard to have work life balance

Pretty even on both sides.  As you can see, depending on how you look at things a pro can also be a con.

Being the "Man" - Self-Employed

Being self-employed is no cake-walk, but it definitely has some advantages, again, depending on how you look at it.  Here is a list of pros and cons for the self-employed.

It was almost as clear as a slap in the face.  All signs were pointing down one path and someone was even leaving me bread crumbs to follow.  I just went with it - and kept on trecking.  I will tell you briefly what happened so you can see how I followed the signs.

Before I returned back to work in June of 2013, I was at the mall with my two girls and my mom.  We were heading to the food court on the second floor, but the elevator was broken, so we had to find another way up since we had the stroller with us.  That delay caused a series of events, which I refer to as "signs".  Once we made it to the second floor, we were stopped dead in our tracks by two women passer by's asking my daughters to try on some new hat samples. They did not work at the mall, they were heading out.  If we hadn't been delayed we never would have met these ladies, and the series of events that followed that meeting never would have happened.  Being the inquisitive type, I asked one of the women about her business and she proceeded to tell me how she gave up her career as a lawyer to pursue this new business venture with her mom - and it is now world wide.  I picked her mind, and we exchanged numbers.  I called her the following week to ask her a million and one questions about how she did it - and she referred me to a a published author and a self published author, both of whom had no problem spending 20 minutes on the phone with me.  I just kept on picking up the bread crumbs and following the trail.  Finally I was referred to a print broker and the rest just flowed from there.

Taking the Plunge

The "signs" were there, the "want" was there and the passion was obvious.  This is where I stopped questioning everything and just dove right in head first.  To be honest, that is how I have always done it, and with no regrets.  Every business I have started and ended has been a learning curve, and at the age of 33, I feel more prepared than ever to take on this venture and make it happen.  What I have learned over the years is that too much analyzing and questioning leads to "nothing".  If strategies are over analyzed, or over developed, they lead to failure.  Why?  Because our environment that we live in is constantly changing.  We must constantly adapt to that change, therefor waiting around to build that perfect strategy - does not exist. I am a firm believer in an initial strategy, but I also know that change has to be part of it.  I say, just do it, take the plunge.  In fact, ask any successful entrepreneur how prepared they were when they started, and I bet you the same answer will surface.  I was not prepared, I just jumped in head first and took the plunge.

One of my favourite bloggers who I love to quote says the following and I stand behind this 100 percent: 

"If you’re working on something important, then you’ll never feel ready. A side effect of doing challenging work is that you’re pulled by excitement and pushed by confusion at the same time.You’re bound to feel uncertain, unprepared, and

It is so easy to get distracted.  It is so easy to follow the wrong trail, leading down a dark and dreary alley, it is even easier to make up excuses and point fingers.  The truth is, it was likely your fault to begin with.  You drifted off path. Admit it, it was no ones fault but your own.

Here it is, your top 10 ways to stay on path to your goals, counting down to the number one way to stay on path.

10) Do something small every single day that is related to your goal
9)   Write your ideas down - keep a journal beside your bed
8)   Talk about your goals with others

When I was in my early twenties, I dated men that were older, one that was almost 10 years older, and I will never forget when we broke up he said "you are still so young, you will not believe what you will learn and how much you will mature over the next few years."  At the time, I thought I knew everything, I thought I was so well rounded and educated and smart, I thought I could replace life learning's with book knowledge. Boy was I wrong.  I knew nothing of emotional control, nothing of how the "real world" worked, nothing of "how to respect people" nothing of "true love".

Without further ado, here are the top ten things I would have done differently if I knew then what I know now:

1. Been nicer to kids in elementary school - respected and treated everyone equally instead of judging and trying to be better than everyone else.

This post describes my personality type, but you know what, if you are reading this, it is probably yours too. So read on.

To sum it up, I am a mom of three and their is a big age gap between number 1 and numbers 2 and 3, so our weekends get split up into many different activities for many different age groups - but you know what?  That is really beside the point.  I am an entrepreneur, and with life's awesome gift, children, I cannot possibly use them as an excuse to put my goals and my life on the back burner.  I did not accidentally have children, I chose this lifestyle, and with the "busy-ness" of it all, I decided that I would not forfeit my "business" due to it all.  For all of you right now who are nodding your heads and thinking - ya - she is totally right!  This is for you.

Here is the plan, and here is how I stick to it.

Set Realistic Goals

A goal is something measurable, and anyone who has studied in business probably knows this definition off hand, but for those of you who don't, this is what a goal is: an observable and measurable end result having one or more objectives to be achieved within a more or less fixed timeframe (www.businessdictionary.com/definition/goal.html).  According to this definition we must set objectives to accomplish a goal.  What have I done? I have set the objective of blogging at least three times a week.  This goal is now measurable. If I meet this goal, it means I have posted at least three times in a week, if I do not post, then I do not meet this goal.

You will notice that I have placed the word "realistic" in front of the word "goals" in the subheading.  Why? Because let's face it, as mentioned previously, with all the busy-ness of my life, I need to make this realistic in order to succeed.  The more I succeed, the more motivated I remain.

Talk about your goals
This is not to be mistaken as bragging.  This is something I share with my family so they can encourage me to remain on track.  I share this information with people who have an interest in what I do and an interest in wanting me to succeed, like a husband, or parent or best friend.  I also share these goals with my eldest child who even though he doesn't know it, I am sneakily sharing valuable life lessons with him, similar to suggestively selling him on tactics for success.

By talking about your goals, you are sending confirmation to the world that you are going to do this, and you are going to succeed. This is a very important step in what you do.

Be Mindful of Time

As a busy person, maybe you have a full time job already, or two!  Maybe you have a full time job plus kids, plus a part time job - this does not make this unachievable, you just need to set your goals to respect the amount of time you have to dedicate to this.  For example: I work full time and take care of my kids in the evenings - I blog and schedule my social content after kids go to bed (normally over a glass of wine).  I have cut the amount of time I spend in front of the TV so that I can achieve my goals.  You will rarely see me posting while I am spending time with my kids, because like I mentioned earlier, I chose them, so I must pay attention to them.

For those of you who are saying, OMG, how do you find time to do all of this?  I say, cut the crap. You know if you tried, you could find time.  Something would have to give, like watching TV, or mopping the floor and cleaning the bathrooms ten times a week.  Like my mom always says, when there is a will, there is a way.

Re-evaluate your Goals

And finally, re-evaluate your goals.  Goals, like businesses, can become stale, or expired if they are not re-evaluated from time to time.  For example: as my readership grows, the demand for more compelling content driven blog posts will follow.  If I continue to only post three times a week, I may lose readers who crave daily content. That is particular to blogging, lets reference something like a product.  If you are selling one product and your goal was to sell 100 pieces a month, eventually your demand will trickle above this number, so you will have to increase your goals and motivate yourself and/or sales people to sell more.  Set new goals, higher ones, but keep them realistic to breed success and not failure.

In summary, everything boils down to setting realistic and achievable goals. Don't fool yourself. Major accomplishments do not happen over night.  And most people who make major accomplishments have committed themselves to their goals. So stop making excuses about not having enough time and start small, with achievable goals, and watch, you will succeed.

Laura Page-Hamelin
Author/Illustrator
www.lphillustrations.com

Momstown

Meetup.com

Oakville moms 

Local Libraries or Local Not for Profit Organizations

Facebook Groups

I should have made the association earlier, I should have know better.  But today, I narrowed it all down.  I have a very good child.  She rarely needs to be asked twice to do something and is quick to apologise when she finds out she has done something wrong.  But after a visit to a local fair, and after consuming sugary foods that are totally out of the ordinary in our daily routine, she had a breakdown - meltdown is more like it.

After repeatedly asking her to do this or stop that, I defaulted to a time out which was followed by a loud and hard "NO!!".  I was dumbfounded.  This doesn't happen - often...

When does this typically happen?  I quickly put two and two together, after making the association with several other occasions, like Easter, Christmas and birthday party meltdowns, these all followed copious amounts of sugar intake. How am I going to deal with this stuff going forward?  Obviously I am not going to deprive my child of these fun events with delicious treats, and I cannot hover for the rest of her life, so I must control and educate as much as possible.  

Since It starts with me, I did a bit of research on how to avoid those crazy meltdowns post sugar.  I found out that it is not actually the sugar that causes them but the rise in insulin levels.  I learnt that to offset that sugar crash you can follow the indulgences with something heartier like proteins (cheese, soy, beans, meat, nuts) and fiber (fruits, veggies, whole grains) which slow the rise and fall of the blood sugar levels.

I am making a conscious decision to educate myself further, read more books, participate in more forums, because seriously, these meltdowns really make it tough.  Something I have already found and want to share is a chart of suggested fruit juice intake by pediatrician Barbara Frankowski, M.D.:

Also, a great resource I always lean to when I am looking for a food that will satisfy that sugary craving but without all the nasty white stuff in it is www.joyoushealth.com .  She has been a saviour in my house when we have been cleansing and/or looking for healthier alternatives. 

So, I personally, am not going to deprive my child of the occasional sugar indulgence, as long as it is occasional.  I don't want a child dependent and needy of sugar, but I understand the want for sugar and the carvings that go along with it, because it happens to me!  So, I have to do like my parents did for me and build the foundation and the education of how sugar is not good for us, the rest will be up to her.

I starting talking about this blog post, spreading the word and found that the only instant reaction I was getting was from people who had a very entrepreneurial point of view.  So, no coincidence that my husband reacted and many others from my inner circle did not.  The more I read the article the more I realised that I was in fact just positioning it in a way and with a passion that would only register with the entrepreneurial minded.  So I tried again.  I spoke to friends who were looking at weight loss, and friends that were trying to save money and explained them this theory of changing habits to achieve goals.  And it finally registered with them too.

Here is what the blogger said: Read Quote of Identity-Based Habits: How to Actually Stick to Your Goals on Quora

We must focus on our identity and change our identity by committing to daily achievable goals. For example, I decided I would start by writing three blogs a week and posting on my Facebook Page three times a day.  So far, I am achieving my goals and super pumped to keep going! If I had set my goals differently, for instance "I am going to start blogging and leave my day job", I probably would have failed already, because those are long term and difficult goals.  

I figure that within 2 weeks (because it takes two weeks to form a new habit) I will have changed my identity and confidently be able to say that I am a successful blogger and author/illustrator. Soon, I will have gotten into such a regular rhythm of writing and drawing that I will believe in myself without needing the reassurance of others (which I currently seek).

This is a personal experience.  It is working.  I am actively changing my identity, and you can change yours!  All you have to do is set yourself up for success. Change your identity - how you perceive yourself - and make achievable daily goals to success.  Let it be for weight loss, saving money, work out routines, keeping in touch with friends - whatever goals you set, make sure to change that identity first - and the rest will follow.  If you see my blogs here in two weeks, you know it works - and if you don't, well - I have only failed myself!

The Title Says it All: This is a Blog About the Journey of a Mom