One Mom's Journey

The oxford Dictionary word of the year for 2013 "selfie" 

I really dislike selfies.  There, I said it.   Why, you ask?  Because I feel like they are self-fulfilling, self-esteem needing, self-involved photos.  I get it, once in awhile is not a bad thing.  Sure, you want to show off how darn good you look dressed up to go to a wedding - why not?  You rarely do it.  BUT YOU!  The one who posts a new selfie, kissy face, peace sign every hour on the hour - seriously...why?  I think I may start un-friending obsessive selfie takers.

Oh and you - ya you!  You know who you are - the friend who constantly comments on the obsessive selfie taker telling them how great they look and how pretty they are - do you know what you are doing?  You are encouraging them to post over and over and over again!  You are just as bad as they are.


Just because celebrities are doing it, doesn't mean you have to!  No wonder teens and tweens everywhere are obsessively posting themselves - it is like getting their own minute of fame and leaving a digital footprint FOREVER on the world wide web for documentation of how "awesome" they are/were.

What is with this me generation? Self-obsession?  Is it a desire to be recognized?  Is it a competition amongst peers? Is it reaching out to parents?  It is definitely a topic of many conversations and hashtag #me is the third-most used hastag on Instagram.  Crazy.  It is such a widely recognized topic, that it has become a topic for research.  Psychologists around the world and analyzing the "selfie movement" to try and figure out what all the hype is about.

I found a couple of interesting quotes that support my dislike of obsessive selfie posting, and I really want to share them with you.

Selfies are about desperately crying out, “Look at me!” This starts with childhood and not getting enough “mirroring” from parents who are too busy working or being self-absorbed themselves. Children who grow up without sufficient mirroring keep looking for their reflections in other people’s eyes, in order to get attention, validation and approval.
Dr. Carole Lieberman, psychiatrist

This one specifically appeals to me.

There is a revealing and alluring element with some of the pictures, which could point towards a sense of exhibitionism – a key trait with selfietakers. Everyone looks for some validation in the way that they appear to others: the kind that’s sought will be dependent on their personality. A selfie is a way to (sometimes unconsciously) engineer validation.
Dr. Diana Parkinson in Stylist

Oh - and I love this one.

The sheer volume and publicness of selfies defies any models we have and we fall back on social norms.  Unless you’re a celebrity, monarch or head of state, people aren’t supposed to self-promote or ‘brag.’ Especially females. In democratizing portraiture, selfies violate social rules of self-presentation and therefore something’s wrong.
Dr. Pamela Rutledge in Psychology Today

Anyways.  Enough ranting about this topic.  I am involved with technology.  I work as a blogger, writer, illustrator, social media marketer.  I know what it is like to be constantly connected, constantly needing validation from the public eye.  BUT - I also know what it means to have self-confidence that doesn't need constant reassurance.

This is the key folks.  STOP TAKING SELFIES!  You are showing weakness, not strength.  Think of the social digital footprint you are leaving behind...what will you think of yourself 10 years from now?

Finally.  Go out and make real relationships with real people.  Forget about this constant need of comments and likes on how beautiful you are.  Look deeper.  You will find all the affirmation you seek.